Self Portrait #4

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Hear me “rawr”.

You know that feeling you get when you’ve had enough, and you break out of your fog and you are ready to claim your life back? I finally found that. I have had a few steadfast friends, my sister and my dad behind me this past year, trying to push me into action. But I wasn’t ready. I still had denial, I was finding it very hard to grasp leaving my house as I put everything into building it and making it a home. So, very unlike me, I shut down and ignored a lot of things in my life. My sister and dad would sometimes yell at me (totally out of love), because they didn’t understand what I was doing, that this wasn’t me. That I get things done, and I was doing nothing. I had a small tribe of friends that were sending me daily support and softly trying to give me the push I needed.

I know there are going to be a lot of crappy days ahead, but bring it on. I am ready, finally. I will no longer be bullied or threatened or listen to the taunts of failure. I will reclaim my freedom.

We chose to keep the kids in the house and switch back and forth to let them adjust, which has been great for them, but not so great for us. It is hard living out of a bag half the time, not feeling like you have roots anymore. It took him breaking into my room and rummaging through it one last time to get me to say enough. He might wish he minded his own business. I am as stubborn as they come. And like my sister said the other night….it’s time you ‘rawr’ again. She said it with her hands like a lion, so it made me laugh which made its serious effect drop down a bit, but I still heard her.

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