Self Portrait #8

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Music to the Soul.

I love music. Listening to it. Dancing to it. Singing to it. Playing it. I feel like I was born with music notes etched in my bones. I have learned the flute, violin, piano and guitar. Some are still a work in progress of course. I took lessons on this piano when I was very young, and now it sits, broken keys and out of tune….kinda like me.

I have this thing I do when I am stressed or just not having a good day. I sit down, and I play. Nothing that is written, and I can only play one note at a time, that is the rule. I might sound like a toddler hitting the keys, but usually it works. My mind stops, and I simply just play. Today is one of those days. I’ve sat at it at least five times already, trying to feel better.

I tucked away my artistic side as a teenager. I stopped painting, and drawing, and playing instruments. I took sciences instead. I stopped listening to my heart and pushed with my head. Now, when everything is uncertain, I reach for what talks to my soul. I might not be good at it, but I don’t think that really matters. I sit here, and I feel my mom. I can hear her humming away like she used to and I feel the stress leave, even for just a little while. Before I have to go back to life, and figure out what the hell I’m doing.

I had some pretty awful things said to me this week, things that would have crumbled me a few months ago. But instead, I play on.

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