Self Portrait # 27

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Darling, believe me. You don’t need saving. You just need someone who will stand by you while you save yourself. – Ruby Dhal

These past three weeks have been extremely hard. I feel beat down and exhausted. I am angry, and I have now been pushed to the point, where fighting back is the only option. Thankfully I have a strong backing of amazing people that are behind me, encouraging me to keep moving, keep pushing, keep surviving. Today I looked in the mirror after I peeled myself off the floor from my panic attack, and said: enough. Time to save yourself and claim your life back. This is a pep talk I have had to give myself a few times, but today was different. I can feel the anger rising that I have been pushing aside. My light I carry is tinged with red flames right now, and I can accomplish a lot when I am angry. I’ve been controlled and beat down long enough. No more. I deserve better. I will no longer believe that I was not enough. I was damn more than enough.

Never stay with someone that makes you wonder how you feel about yourself. That makes you feel like you are never a priority. That tells you to turn the other cheek instead of standing up for you when you are wronged. That doesn’t show you fucking special you are to them. Don’t stay if there is no laughter, no warmth or comfort in their arms, no support. It is never worth it. You are worth so much more. As r.h. sin says, “one day you’ll mean something more and everything to someone better than whomever made you feel like nothing” and until you find that person, be that person for yourself. Love yourself hard. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made. And remember, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Everything that has happened brought you to the place you are supposed to be in. All of the poor choices, the wrong turns, the crappy people had a purpose. Without the dark you can’t see the light. So, no looking back. you have your life to live. Enjoy it. Laugh and love and learn and repeat.

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