Self Portrait #31

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I am being told that I need to cocoon. That my body is under so much stress and chaos I am walking the threshold of becoming very sick. That it’s time I wrapped myself up and really started taking care of me. This is incredibly hard. I have goals and dreams and motivation that doesn’t really allow me to settle in. I have people to take care of, and wants of my own. I have no patience and feel like if it doesn’t happen now, the nit never will. I have always had this flaw. Holding on so tight to something that I don’t see the other possibilities.  I’m so focused on this, that that walks right on by.

To admit that I’m really tired, and my body is giving out is not fun for me. To know that I don’t have a person to tuck me in and tell me to rest while he handles the ship for a little while is daunting. How do you cocoon when so much rides on your shoulders? How do you let go of things you want so much it makes your heart ache? How do you trust that good is coming, if you just relax and allow?

I have no clue. But it’s a lesson I’m going to have to learn. Because after the cocoon comes the butterfly, and I’m damn ready for my wings. To be able to float and be free and enjoy all the beautiful things and people that are in my life.

I think we all have a point in our life where we need to cocoon and really take care of ourselves. But so many are afraid because it takes work. It takes a lot to wrap yourself up and get real with yourself and fix your problems. To actually want a better life instead of playing the victim card, instead of doing nothing to change your cycle. To strip down all the layers one by one and dig deep, instead of running away. To figure out why you feel what you feel and how to heal that wound. That is how you stay a caterpillar for the rest of your life. Who wants that, when you can actually make the changes that are needed to break you out of that cocoon into the light of a new life, as a new and beautiful being. It takes courage to change your life into something beautiful, and not settle. I hope you have it. Earn your wings.

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