First big purchase!

So, this is kinda big for me. This has been my first big purchase since separating from my old life.

Before, my ex was in charge of all the purchases. He made the most money, so he got to decide what we got. Now, I’m not trying to complain about this, as he provided very well and made sure we didn’t go without if he could make it happen. But when you don’t feel independent or like you really have any control, it can really affect you.

I used to be fierce and a leader and feel like I could accomplish anything. Then I went through two years of hell, on top of the 5 years before that being pretty horrible where I was intimidated and bullied by people I thought were my family, and then told to always turn the other cheek by the man that was supposed to stand beside me. So I lost my fierce. I stopped thinking I could accomplish things.

Then when my ex took away my car, I had to borrow what we dubbed the clown car (I honestly dont know how we all fit into it). But I saved up and all by myself I found a car, drove to Mississauga, test drove it, heckled down the price and told him if he didnt take it I was walking….and I got it.

It might just look like a used car to you, but it’s my independence. It’s me showing my kids I’m strong and standing on my two feet on my own, something they can do too. It’s the beginning of so many other big decisions that I know I can make.

I drove home with the biggest smile on my face. And every day I get into it, I think how much closer I am to reclaiming my life.

I cant wait to pack this car up with my monsters and make some damn good memories!

#thankfulitsnotavan #notavanmom #divorce #findingmyfierce #myowncar #findingstrength #keeppushing

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