Happy 12th

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Happy life day, my beautiful soul. 12 years ago you gave me the best gift, becoming a mom. And in these past 12 years you have filled my heart and life with so much love, happiness and strength.

You are a smart and quiet boy, that is kind (except when wrestling with your siblings) and sweet to others. You have been so strong these past two years with everything we are going through, offering me hugs and back rubs when you think I am extra sad.

I love you more then everything my child. I look forward to many more birthdays with you…many more years filled with your smile and light.

P.S I’m glad that you don’t think you are too old yet for night time snuggles, as I cherish that time with you, even though you fart way too much and make my room stink!

Love,

Mom xox

Self Portrait # 11

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11 years a mom.

This boy. Eleven years have gone by since he made me the most terrified I’ve ever been in my life. I held him in my arms and realized, for the rest of my life, this little human would be mine. Somehow, I was supposed to feed him, love him, and keep him alive and out of danger. Some days, I couldn’t even do that for myself. What had I gotten myself into?

His first year was spend with him literally wrapped to me. If I released him from my grip, his lungs would fill and horrible screams would fill the air. So many nights were spent sitting in a rocking chair, singing to this crying creature snuggled into my chest. I don’t know how I survived sometimes. I made so many mistakes with him, but somehow, he has turned out the way he has.

Besides the odd headlock and punches thrown at his siblings, this is a good kid. He is kind, and sweet, and sensitive. He is smart, and helpful and great with younger kids. He is a joy. A beautiful soul. Unfortunately he inherited his mommas dance moves, but he makes up for that flaw in so many ways.

This boy makes me proud. This boy makes the hard days a little easier. This boy looked at me with a smile on his face, and told me he was thankful that I was happy again. That I was smiling, and singing, and dancing again. This boy stole my heart eleven years ago. He makes me a better person every day.

I love you, sweet boy of mine. Happy Life Day Eli.

Self Portrait #5

This is me.

I took this photo on my birthday, and what better way to document it then in my birthday suit. Thirty four years in the making:

  • I snort when I laugh really hard
  • I will break out in dance almost anywhere
  • I can’t sing, but I love to give car concerts
  • I am very stubborn and always willing to argue my point with you
  • Giving to others and making them feel loved/special makes me feel very happy
  • I adore my small tribe and would give the shirt off my back for them
  • My dad calls me a Jack of all Trades because I am always wanting to try and learn new things
  • My mom called me a wild child, hard to tame
  • I hate feet….people touching me with their feet makes me cringe
  • Don’t mess with my kids/nieces/nephew because the momma/auntie bear comes out and it’s not good
  • I have a moms voice that will scare a grown man into doing what I say
  • Chocolate is my favorite and I HATE sharing it with anyone, including my kids
  • I am impulsive, and sometimes regret my words and actions, but it’s too late
  • The ocean calls to me
  • I’m an empath, so feel too much, and am affected by other peoples energies
  • I love comfy clothes, better then anything else
  • I believe animals have souls
  • I care less and less what people think of me
  • I prefer to cut toxic people out of my life then keep them around and be fake
  • I wear my heart on my sleeve, and it often hurts me, but I prefer to see the best in people
  • Unicorn is my spirit animal
  • I usually prefer to stay in and read then go out and be social
  • I can trip over air and fall up the stairs like a pro
  • I am not a very good cook because I don’t like food…..vegetables are disgusting and should be banned
  • I’m finally realizing self love is important

This is me. I won’t apologize for any of it. Instead I’m learning to embrace it.

Happy Life day to me. May 34 teach me even more lessons then 33.